116 weeks ago I publicly stated that I was embarking on a journey to take my life back.
Here was my post:
"12 days ago I started a new chapter in my life with my new fitness coach. I decided to take my life back and start training mind and body for me. What many may not know about me is, like most women, I struggle with my physical appearance. So much so, that I put myself in a dark place and struggled to fight myself out. I am what most people define as "skinny fat." I hide my lack of self esteem under my clothes and my make up. For over 6 months I would find myself hating my own self image as I struggled to lose weight and get in shape. I would fall in and out of moments where I was determined and motivated and then stop because I feared I would never get to where I wanted to be. I created this idea of what I was supposed to look like based on other women's figures and in the end it cost me more mental breakdowns than I could've ever imagined. Over a month ago, I met with my coach in near tears of frustration and finally let out what I dug deep inside me for a very long time. It felt amazing to finally be honest with myself. What's different this time around from all the other times I decided to start some #fitness journey? This time I'm training for my girls to be the best example possible. This time I'm training to show my husband I can push through my hardest challenges. This time, I'm not training for a wedding, a Hawaii vacation, or an event I need to look good for. This time I am training to be the best version of me possible so that when I turn 30 this year, I can entire a new decade as a new person.
Please forgive me now if my posts become all about #fitness #fitfam #eatcleantrainmean. This time around, I take back my life. #inspired #inspiration #gohardorgohoe"
We all come to a moment and place in our lives where we are tired of starting over, tired finding ourselves constantly questioning why we are yet again at square one, tired of being disappointed in our own efforts. Embarking on a fitness journey isn't easy no matter where you are or how long you've been at it. It's true what they say, it doesn't get any easier, you just get stronger. Mental toughness is key to any journey that brings forth transformation and change, you have to believe in yourself no matter how hard it gets because the moment doubt sets in, the control you once had will begin to crumble.
My own journey for the past 2 years has had its share of ups and downs, both emotionally and to some outsiders looking in, physically. In the first 12 weeks I was focused on trying to really make some habits going and to get my body moving alongside losing some weight and getting back into shape. I lost 19lbs going from 131.5lbs to 112.5lbs. The coach I was working with at the time had me on a weight loss nutrition plan which had me on a very restrictive amount of calories (between 800-1000 calories) as we were began working myself to exercising 5 days a week. During this time I remember constantly judging myself for the lack of progress. I would compare my weight loss numbers to those of her other clients and thought "dammit, I'm following everything and not losing that much, WTF?!" It felt like a constant internal battle that I had to fight to not fall into the trap of comparing my journey to someone else's.
Each of us are unique. Our bodies are made differently, framed differently, and we have to remind ourselves that what is a lean look in our own eyes may not be the same on someone else's body. How muscle comes in and builds itself on one person's frame may not be the same on yours. So as you continue to go on week by week in your fitness journey remember that you're on this road for you. Comparing yourself gets you no where but doubt and forgetting the reasons that got you started will make you question you progress.
Each day that you exercise, eat well, and live slightly healthier than the day before is a step towards your commitment and dedication. Consistency and believing in your ability to keep going even when it gets tough is the key to progeess. Above all remind yourself that you're not perfect, so aim for progress not perfection. You got this!