"I will love you both in your darkest moments and I will love you in your brightest." (words I whispered to myself this morning)
When we choose courage over perfection we put ourselves in the face of vulnerability. Facing all our fears in order for the chance to be seen, heard, and understood. Vulnerability is the essence of all meaningful relationships. It's the art of being un-calculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say, 'This is me, and I'm going to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more important, all that I am not.’
Vulnerability is saying I choose courage over perfection and choose to fail and fall time and time again just so that I can learn about the person I am becoming. There’s also something very liberating about vulnerability. It’s honest, raw, and there’s no pretending that things need to be perfect. When you fuck up, you can tell yourself “well that sucks…” pick yourself up, and try again.
The decision to dedicate my focus and energy into becoming the healthier version of me was not only about taking control of my life, but it was also about facing my fears of failing at another attempt to make fitness a part of my life. Let's be real, when you've got that post baby shape and you see other women around you bouncing back immediately after having a baby sometimes you can't help but feel ashamed that you couldn't do the same. I know I did. I was screaming from the roof tops "WHY ME?!" Comparison seeped in and clouding my mind making me believe that I wasn't good enough to make these changes in my life. For years I allowed this to hold me back.
I never worked out for myself consistently until about 3 years ago. Before then the only time I really worked out after having my first child was the 6 months leading up to my wedding and it was for the wedding. As soon as the wedding dress was put away it was back into the "settled" married with kid life of this social stigma of what it meant to be "domestic". After years of working hard to find continuity in my life with juggling a marriage, family, and careers; my life began to control me rather than me controlling my life. I started making decisions for others in hopes that by pleasing them I would find a way to gain my own happiness. Looking back at it all I was so wrong.
Learning how to be vulnerable will always take practice, its not easy to share some of the deepest and sometimes the most painful emotions that haunt us to this day. Facing our fears can be very scary, like doing something new for the first time. But I think the worst thing is not knowing what we could've done if fear wasn't in the way. This is when you have to get vulnerable with fear and tell yourself, "This is going to be scary as hell, LET'S DO THIS!"