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Does she have what you want?

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Does she have what you want?

Simple ways to escape the comparison trap

We've all said these phrases out loud or a quiet whisper in the back of our minds.

Not pretty enough.
Not cool enough.
Not disciplined enough. 
Not passionate enough. 
Not smart enough. 
Not wealthy enough.
Not worthy enough.
Not accomplished enough. 
Not attractive enough.
Not skinny enough.

Comparing ourselves against others is as a human as it is to breathe. And as much as I want to sit here and tell you I've never felt the jealousy emotion, I'd be lying. Jealousy is rarely spoken about because we're embarrassed to say that we envy someone else. And these days it just seems like there are more and more things to be jealous of one another especially since social media has given us a glimpse in the lives and journey of others. I wish I could tell you that I never get jealous, but let's get real here, we ALL experience it in some way shape or form. Whether its something you're experiencing in this present moment or have been envied, you know what its like to sit in the space of jealousy. 

Here's some simple fixes you can implement right here and right now to escape the comparison trap.

Get out of their lane and get back into yours and write 3 things that you're grateful for.  Gratitude is the simplest and quickest way back into the present moment. It helps bring focus back into the now and into your own life rather than allowing your thoughts to wander into someone else's.

Recognize your differences. Each person has different factors why they are able to do something, have something, or be something you might want. However its important to remember that just because you live a very similar life or have the same exact job as someone else, it doesn't mean you've walked the same exact path.

Avoid your triggers when possible. This one can be a little tricky, but if you're aware of what triggers that comparison trap its easy to shut the door before you let it in. There's a large amount of research out there that's already proving that social media can trigger depression in many people. So if scrolling through your IG feed and seeing everyone's progress photos triggers your green eyes then its time to start curating your feed. This happened to me the moment I decided to stop competing in NPC Bikini Competitions. Seeing other athletes on prep made it hard for me to accept my decision, so I started to unfollow those who were once my #fitspos.

Admit that you're jealous. I get that this may seem a little counter productive, but I've learned that admitting to your faults, feelings, and emotions means you're living your authentic truth. Once you're able to do so, you give yourself the power of choice. You can choose to invest in the emotion of envy or you can take some of these steps I've shared to begin to walk away from it. There's power in saying things out loud and like they say "the truth will set you free."

We're human. Emotions are human and one of them is jealousy. We may never be able to fully rid ourselves from this emotion, but we can definitely learn to cultivate a practice that helps us stay focused on our own progress and journey.

SHOP MY LOOK

5 things I wish people told me before launching my blog!

As I sit here and work on changes after changes on my blog I'm thinking to myself WTF, I've been sitting here for days going back and forth and making page changes, replying to emails, opening packages, creating social media content, and feeding my daughters their afternoon snacks. 

I love what I do and I love being able to share my world with you guys. It's been such an incredible treat to do so and surprises just seem to come at every corner. Now that I'm blogging full time while going to school there has been so many things I've learned that I wish I knew before I started my blog.

For all of you who's thinking of creating a blog here's the top 5 things I wish someone told me:

1. You will evolve as a blogger or brand and that is 100% OK! When you're in the beginning process of starting your blog, you are building your brand. A brand essentially is your identity as a person or a company. When you first start you may have this idea of what your blog or brand will be about. Over time, as you grow as a person some of these initial views you may have may evolve to. When I started GOFITJO I had the intention of it being a heath and fitness blog. In my head that meant healthy food recipes and workouts. As I continued to learn more about myself in my fitness journey I realized I was more than just a before/after photo and I wanted to share more about my life and so I did. In fall of 2015 I made major changes to my blog and started to incorporate more of my life. At that point I didn't feel cornered in to just writing about workouts and healthy recipes, I felt free to write about the things that mattered most to my heart. 

2. Focus on your own lane. There will always be a shit ton of people doing the same thing you're doing whether this be blogging or Instagramming (also referred to as micro-blogging) and there will always be more for you to write about if you focus on your story. When I was a hairstylist I remember thinking to myself "Who is going to come to me as a hairstylist, there's so many talented stylists here in the Bay Area?" As I continued to focus my craft as a hairstylist I built an incredible clientele. This attitude is what is needed to constantly remind myself when I started my blog. Your story will resonate for a particular audience and there are millions of people who can potentially connect to your writing. Focus on your story, focus on refining who you are as a blogger, the rest will follow. 

3. That my dishwasher would be filled with bowls. Maybe this is just me, but ever since I became a full time blogger all I do is eat out of bowls. Salad in bowls, poke bowls, smoothie bowls, ice cream bowls...Sadly I feel like its due to the number of meals I have throughout the day and the time spent in front of my computer either writing, editing photos, or studying.

4. Find coworkers! Starting something new can be scary. You'll experience frustrations, accomplishments, and moments that you just need someone to cheer you on when you're feeling a little low. I'm so grateful for a few handful of girlfriends who have not only been able to be there to help me spell check blog posts, web pages, and emails, but they are there when I need to rant. They are my virtual coworkers. Two of my favorite coworkers is Remi of rrayyme.com and Meg of megsexton.com, they help make my days go by quicker and are typically second eyes on my work. 

5. Schedule out time to do the housekeeping items like updating your blog/site, bookkeeping, looking for inspiration outside your industry, photoshoots, etc. I get distracted really easily especially working from home. It's a good practice to schedule things out that are important to get done so that you can treat them like important appointments. When there's an endless list of things you can do for your blog you want to make sure you take the time to organize your schedule so you know what needs to get done and when. Right now one of my biggest priorities is building out an editorial calendar so I know when to launch blog posts consistently on specific days of the week. At the moment its really ad hoc, but I know it's not going to be sustainable when I become a health coach! 

I know that starting a blog, learning photography, or knowing what kind of content to create can be hard and I'd love to help in whatever way I can. I mentioned last year that I'll be starting to share a series of posts that are geared towards blogging, content creation, or social media. If this is something you'd love to know more I'd love to know! Fill out the form below if you are. Since its #TBT I'd love to share a little throwback Thursday blog post of one of my posts I wrote when I was a hairstylist about branding

Let's Get Profreshional

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Relentlessly Beautiful

The other night I was tagged on an Instagram post by a dear friend, Athena Pelton. It was a call to action to post and share a photo of when I felt most beautiful. In a few short moments my heart was on fire to share a photo and tell the my instafams the moments when I feel the most beautiful. 

For me, I feel the most beautiful when I am allowed to be authentic to my thoughts, my opinions, my mind. I’m am the most beautiful when I can unleash my inner goddess to be openly honest with her fears, her frustrations, her dreams, her hopes, her everything. I feel the most beautiful when I’m speaking to other women about empowerment, inner growth, and spiritual change. I feel the most beautiful when I can be who I am despite my curves and my edges.

I dont need to be understood by everyone or accepted or even loved by everyone. I just want to be loved by me, THIS IS when I feel the most beautiful.

After sharing my post I naturally tagged several beautiful friends for the challenge and then my heart began to swell with this desire to create a small mini movement called Relentlessly Beautiful. As I began to read other women's posts of what their definition of feeling or being beautiful meant to them it was so motivating and inspiring. I spent my Saturday afternoon fiercely hacking away on creating design assets, chatting with friends, and brainstorming on how to make this simple idea grow. 

My own fitness journey was a process that helped me uncover so many truths. I strongly believe that there’s more to fitness than the perfect body, its about health, its about getting your life together, its about overcoming your fears, doubts, and insecurities. It’s about being healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically. Its about being strong, being powerful, and being independent. It’s about feeling relentlessly beautiful. 

My challenge to my beautiful blog readers is to share your own stories, to share your moments of beauty to your friends, your followers, your peers. I want women to expand the definition of beauty so that one day we can hopefully help change society's definition of beauty to help empower one another to feel beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside. 

Join me in this challenge to ask your soul sisters their definition of feeling beautiful and hashtag your stories and posts with #relentlesslybeautiful so that we can share the movement with the world.