mother

Tips on having a healthy relationship with your teenage daughter

It’s true when they say there’s no tougher job than being a mom. There are nights where I go to bed wondering if I’m doing this whole motherhood thing right. Hell there are days where I wonder if I’m even doing this adult thing right for myself let alone having the privilege of raising children. As a mom you’re pushed to your limits day in and day out physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. There are days where this role as a mom has broken me, but its made me whole as well. 

Tips on having a healthy relationship with your teenage daughter

Whenever I share photos on Instagram of my husband and I or of my kids I read comments that say #familygoals or #couplegoals and as endearing as it is I can’t help but think Am I showing a side of my life that’s portrayed to be perfect? Because if so, that’s not what I want you to see. I want you to understand that there are many facets to this story, but most importantly an honest one. 

I’m no expert in parenting, but I do have 13 years of experience raising my daughter and I wanted to share some things I’ve learned while raising this young lady. 

Tips on having a healthy relationship with your teenage daughter:

  1. Tell her stories. We grow deep relationships with other adults when we have the capacity to share our stories, imagine the connection you create with your children when you share the lessons you’ve learned in the past. Recently my daughter has had some misunderstandings with friends, because teenage relationships can get complicated especially when hormones play a role. It’s been great to be able to share my experiences with friends with her and give her a different perspective on the situations she’s been in. 
  2. Listen openly without interjecting. This one is a tough one for me. As a health coach I want to immediately jump in and offer different solutions when I hear about problems she might be having. But I have to remember to pull back, shut my mouth, and lend her both ears when she’s trying to vent. 
  3. Be her mother.  As they get older and become less and less child like its easy to start treating the relationship on a friend level. However, its important that during this phase in their life that they still understand authority, consequences, and responsibility both in school and in the home. 
  4. Don’t be afraid to expose them to different experiences. As parents it’s our natural instinct to want to protect them and to keep them in a box. But I think its important to have them exposed to travel, explore their many natural talents, and to even put them in situations that they might not be ready for such as a new group learning situation. Giving them opportunities to flex their skills and character helps to build them confidence and self awareness. 
  5. Give yourself and your teenager lots of love and grace. Remind yourself that preteens and teenagers go through a lot of firsts in this phase of life. There have been plenty of times that I’ve wanted to pull my hair out of my head due to all the preteen problems I’ve dealt with in the past year, but I’m constantly reminding myself that a lot of what she’s going through is a brand new experience for her. She’s just as confused about her hormones, body changing, and emotions as her parents are. As a parent the best thing you can do is offer love and support. 

Tell her stories.

...imagine the connection you create with your children when you share the lessons you’ve learned in the past.

One of the best ways to stay in tuned with your teenage daughter is make sure you have an open line of communication and to reassure her that you’re never too busy building your boss mom empire to listen to the problems she’s going through. 

I’d love to hear about some of the problems that your teenage girl has faced and what you’ve done to solve them. Comment below, I’d love to read your tips. Lord knows I’m just crossing this threshold of teenage life. 

photography by Encarnacion Photography || shoes by Allbirds

Why doing it all can be impossible.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve worn myself out from going, going, going, or the times I’ve deliberately made myself insanely busy simply to the point where I’ve almost completely stopped facing my problems head on. If I was being honest, it's probably at least once or twice a month.

There’s nothing wrong with being busy or time-efficient, but I think there is something wrong with not being able to stop and enjoy the small, empty moments. There’s something wrong with having to fill every second with activity because you’re not ready to face certain problems or challenges you're tirelessly running from. It’s so easy to get trapped in focusing at the big picture and constantly trying to jump from milestone to milestone, and forget that the present is pretty great, too.

Yesterday, was a rough one for me I woke up strong and ready for the day and all of a sudden anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks. I was paralyzed in my own thinking. Part of me wanted to blame it on the gloomy weather that is covering the SF Bay Area, but deep down inside I knew that the reasons why anxiety was beginning to swell inside was because self doubt and fear was starting to overwhelm me. My husband and I are both now entrepreneurs in our businesses and often times we’re both juggling responsibilities between operating our business and keeping our home lives functioning strong. 

When you own your own business you don’t work a 9-5, you work a 24/7. 

My mind is always working, strategizing, and trying to figure out what the next steps are going to be in order for me to really create the life that I want to live. But I’m learning the hard truth that I just can’t do it all on my own, that my home life wont be 100% glossy, manicured, and perfect and the clutter will need to be picked up another day and the laundry will have to be put away at some point later in time. 

Here’s some things I’ve learned to let go in search for balancing my home life and #girlsboss life:

1. Expectations of who I needed to be in that moment. While juggling multiple hats, you have to learn that every moment in life will be different and each new day may not be the same as yesterday. Comparing those perfect days to the imperfect ones doesn't help your mind get centered and focused on what's happening in the present moment.

You can't tackle the future unless you focus on the now. 

2. People pleasing. This is a big one and I'm not 100% perfect at this, but letting go of pleasing others over my own happiness is one I've learned and still continuing to learn. You cannot put your own self happiness in front of the happiness of others. Now I know that sounds selfish, but ultimately what I mean by this is you can't sell your soul for someone else. Deep down inside you are driven by truths that you hold dear to yourself. When those are compromised you lose yourself and become imbalanced in your daily efforts to find your self worth. 

3. Being a "Pinterest mom". We women have it tough especially when it comes to trying to figure out our roles in society as a mother, both SAHM or working moms. The biggest thing I've had to let go was this idea of a perfect life for my kids. My house isn't perfect, its not the most pristine at all times, and some days clean laundry is still waiting to be folded and put away after several days of being clean. But these are the small sacrifices I'm willing to make to create precious and quality time with my kids. Something that I haven't had enough of while juggling the role of a people manager at my last job. 

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Some days I take a look around my house and I get disappointed with the mess. Bits of paper and homework cluttered at every table, the sink not perfectly clean at every given hour, and the piles of laundry from corner to corner, especially because our house is a household of women which means we go through our wardrobe quickly. But I have to keep reminding myself that IT'S OKAY to let this things go so you can sit and play with your kids or hang out with your husband.

I don't ever picture our lives really slowing down I think we're always going to live in a constant motion of being on the go, which is why I love using Persil ProClean 2in1 for both my overly sweaty workout clothes and my kids "well loved" school clothes. It's no surprise its been rated as number one best laundry detergent, it got both the stains out of my daughter's clothes and got my workout gear fresh for my next sweat session. Here's a coupon for you to use on your next purchase. 

 

PersilProClean provided me with compensation in exchange for this sponsored blog post. However, all the opinions expressed here are my own.