You are not thin enough. You’re too muscular. Your arms are not slim enough. Your eyelashes are too short, your ankles too fat, your nose is crooked, your hair too curly, you’re too short..you’re simply not enough. It’s different for everyone — because our bodies are so different — but the message is the same: Something needs to be fixed, we are not enough.
It’s true when they say there’s no tougher job than being a mom. There are nights where I go to bed wondering if I’m doing this whole motherhood thing right. Hell there are days where I wonder if I’m even doing this adult thing right for myself let alone having the privilege of raising children. As a mom you’re pushed to your limits day in and day out physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. There are days where this role as a mom has broken me, but its made me whole as well.
Tips on having a healthy relationship with your teenage daughter
Whenever I share photos on Instagram of my husband and I or of my kids I read comments that say #familygoals or #couplegoals and as endearing as it is I can’t help but think Am I showing a side of my life that’s portrayed to be perfect? Because if so, that’s not what I want you to see. I want you to understand that there are many facets to this story, but most importantly an honest one.
I’m no expert in parenting, but I do have 13 years of experience raising my daughter and I wanted to share some things I’ve learned while raising this young lady.
Tips on having a healthy relationship with your teenage daughter:
- Tell her stories. We grow deep relationships with other adults when we have the capacity to share our stories, imagine the connection you create with your children when you share the lessons you’ve learned in the past. Recently my daughter has had some misunderstandings with friends, because teenage relationships can get complicated especially when hormones play a role. It’s been great to be able to share my experiences with friends with her and give her a different perspective on the situations she’s been in.
- Listen openly without interjecting. This one is a tough one for me. As a health coach I want to immediately jump in and offer different solutions when I hear about problems she might be having. But I have to remember to pull back, shut my mouth, and lend her both ears when she’s trying to vent.
- Be her mother. As they get older and become less and less child like its easy to start treating the relationship on a friend level. However, its important that during this phase in their life that they still understand authority, consequences, and responsibility both in school and in the home.
- Don’t be afraid to expose them to different experiences. As parents it’s our natural instinct to want to protect them and to keep them in a box. But I think its important to have them exposed to travel, explore their many natural talents, and to even put them in situations that they might not be ready for such as a new group learning situation. Giving them opportunities to flex their skills and character helps to build them confidence and self awareness.
- Give yourself and your teenager lots of love and grace. Remind yourself that preteens and teenagers go through a lot of firsts in this phase of life. There have been plenty of times that I’ve wanted to pull my hair out of my head due to all the preteen problems I’ve dealt with in the past year, but I’m constantly reminding myself that a lot of what she’s going through is a brand new experience for her. She’s just as confused about her hormones, body changing, and emotions as her parents are. As a parent the best thing you can do is offer love and support.
Tell her stories.
...imagine the connection you create with your children when you share the lessons you’ve learned in the past.
One of the best ways to stay in tuned with your teenage daughter is make sure you have an open line of communication and to reassure her that you’re never too busy building your boss mom empire to listen to the problems she’s going through.